very funny

  1. Omu cu pisica

    martie 12, 2008 by Andrei Sălăgean

    A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
    As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
    The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
    Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
    He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
    Hours later the man calls home to his wife: „Jen, is the cat there?”
    „Yes,” the wife answers, „why do you ask?”
    Frustrated, the man answered, „Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I’m lost! and need directions!”

  2. It’s dark in here

    martie 10, 2008 by Andrei Sălăgean

    A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Then the woman’s husband also comes home. Panicked, she puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.

    The little boy says, „Dark in here.”
    The man says, „Yes, it is.”
    Boy „I have a football.”
    Man „That’s nice.”
    Boy „Want to buy it?”
    Man „No, thanks.”
    Boy „My dad’s outside.”
    Man „OK, how much?” Boy – $250

    A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

    Boy „Dark in here.”
    Man „Yes, it is.”
    Boy „I have football boots.”
    The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, „How much?”
    Boy „$750” Man „Sold.”

    A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, „Grab your boots and football, let’s go outside and have a game of footy.

    The boy says, „I can’t, I sold my ball and boots.”
    The father says, „What?! Why?! How much did you sell them for?”
    Boy – „$1,000.”
    The father says, „That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. You’re going to church to confess!”

    They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, „Dark in here.”

    The priest says, „Don’t start that shit again”.

  3. Piloti si replici de neuitat

    martie 9, 2008 by Andrei Sălăgean

    Niste conversatii intre turnu de control si piloti. Am zis ca le las in engleza pentru a nu strica din sens. Savurati si voi, ca io m-am c***t pe mine de ras.

    From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: „I’m f…ing bored!”
    Ground Traffic Control: „Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”
    Unknown aircraft: „I said I was f…ing bored, not f…ing stupid!”

    A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
    Lufthansa (in German): „Ground, what is our start clearance time?”
    Ground (in English): „If you want an answer you must speak in English.”
    Lufthansa (in English): „I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany Why must I speak English?”
    Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): „Because you lost the bloody war!”

    The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
    Speedbird 206: „Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
    Ground: „Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
    The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
    Ground: „Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
    Speedbird 206: „Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
    Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): „Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
    Speedbird 206 (coolly): „Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, – And I didn’t land.”

    Tower: „Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
    Delta 351: „Give us another hint! We have digital watches!”

    Tower:„TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.”
    TWA 2341: „Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
    Tower:„Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”

  4. Superman la datorie

    martie 5, 2008 by Andrei Sălăgean

    Cand este chemat nu dezamgageste pe nimeni. Un singur lucru ma pune pe ganduri…Superman e chinez?

  5. Din seria Chuck Norris

    martie 4, 2008 by Andrei Sălăgean

    Poate le stiti, poate nu. Io le mai pun inca o data pentru toata lumea cu cateva imbunatatiri. M-am cacat pe mine de ras nu alta, ma doare burta…

    Traiesti doar pentru ca te-a lasat in viata Chuck Norris!
    Fantomele sunt de fapt rezultatul faptului ca
    Chuck Norris omoara oameni mai repede decat poate Moartea sa ii proceseze.
    Chuck Norris s-a nascut intr-o cabana construita de el
    Chuck Norris poate sa aplaude cu o singura mana
    Chuck Norris poate sa dea foc la furnici cu lupa. NOAPTEA!!
    Chuck Norris a lovit odata un cal in barba..descendentzii acelui cal se numesc acum girafe
    Chuck Norris se poate sinucide si dupaia traieste
    Chuck Norris doneaza regulat sange la crucea rosie, dar niciodata al lui
    Cand vrea
    Chuck Norris sa doneze sange el nu cere seringa, el cere un shotgun si cateva zeci de buchete de flori
    Chuck Norris doarme cu lumina pt ca ii e frica de intuneric ci pentru ca intunericului ii e frica de el
    Cea mai scurta cale catre inima unui om este pumnul lui
    Chuck Norris
    Zambetul lui Chuck Norris a readus odata un catzelush la viatza
    Lacrimile lui
    Chuck Norris pot vindeca orice boala inclusiv cancerul. pacat ca nu a plans niciodata.
    Chuck Norris stranuta cu ochii deschisi.
    Chuck Norris are o casutza de vacantza pe luna.
    Intr-o camera obisnuita sunt 1 242 de obiecte pe care
    Chuck Norris le foloseste ca sa te poata ucide, inclusiv camera.
    Chuck Norris a ars odata o padure cand facea experimente cu apa.
    Superman are o pereche de pijamale si un maieu cu
    Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris face flotari, nu se ridica pe el, el impinge pamantul in jos.
    Casa lui
    Chuck Norris nu are usi sau ferestre, are numai ziduri prin care acesta trece.
    Chuck Norris e atat de rapid incat incat poate alerga inconjurul pamantului si isi poate da un pumn in ceafa
    Cand apare un uragan, inseamna ca a stranutat
    Chuck Norris
    Chuck Norris e singurul om care vorbeste Braille. Fara accent american.
    Cei mai mari producatori de dezinfectanti sustin ca produsele lor omoara 99.9% din toti microbii si bacteriile.
    Chuck Norris omoara 100% din ce vor corpii lui cavernosi.
    Chuck Norris TRANTESTE usile rotative
    Chuck Norris nu vaneaza, pentru ca asta ar presupune probabilitatea lipsei unui rezultat satisfacator, el UCIDE.
    Chuck Norris reguleaza toate femeile de pe pamant in secret odata pe luna pe fiecare. Asa se explica de ce ele sangereaza in fiecare luna.
    Chuck Norris este singurul om de pe planeta care te poate lovi in spatele fetzei.
    Chuck Norris nu este „dotat” ca un cal, caii sunt dotati ca Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris a inecat odata un peste.
    Copii plang la nastere pentru ca simt ca intra intr-o lume cu Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris a numarat pana la infinit. De doua ori.
    Chuck Norris nu poate face atac de cord…nici macar inima nu i asa de proasta incat sa il atace.
    Chuck Norris este IN SPATELE TAU

    Ti-a placut? A doua serie cu Chuck Norris e chiar aici.