1. Trebuie sa impartim totul…

    6 mai, 2008 | Andrei Sălăgean

    He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

    He placed one half in front of his wife.

    He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

    He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering.

    You could tell they were thinking, „That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”

    As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine – They were used to sharing everything.

    The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

    Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said „No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”

    As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked „What is it you are waiting for?”
    „My teeth.”


  2. Plictisit

    4 mai, 2008 | Andrei Sălăgean

          Daca nu te simti la fel nu vad de ce ai mai continua sa citesti, cine stie poate te prinde plictiseala pana ce termini.O stare asa de aruncat pe geam. Altii nu mai au ce face cu timpu iar la altii le vine sa sa isi ia mingea de tenis si sa joace obligatea la teava de gaz. Poi ce? Nu asta faceati cand erati mici? Inainte cand nu era calculatorul parca era mai bine. Nu statea lumea prin case si iesea afara. Ieseau mai multi la un fotbal, un tenis, seara jucam chiar o ascunsa. Acuma dai mass daca nu iese cineva afara, ca ti lene sa mai scrii nu de alta.
          Bine, nu pot sa zic ca toti sunt la fel, dar majoritatea. Astia mari de tot nu are rost sa vorbim de ei, ca ei muncesc uni chiar non-stop. Astialalti cu facultatea cand vin si ai acasa is obositi si le dor de casa ca nu ar mai iesi din ea. Liceu sta cum zicea Iantu, fifti-fifti. Ori stau si invata ca au bac, ori merg la o bauta deaia de doua zile i dor capu si nu mai pot face nimic ori…. De aia de la scoala nu mai vorbesc. Cand il vad pe fratemeo ca deabia porneste compu’ si direct messenger, 2 min sa vada fiecare ce avatar sau status si-o tras, iar apoi counter. Si non-stop…apoi nervi ca nu mai nimereste nimic, ar si injura da’ sunt de fata si deocamdata vad ca nu isi permite.
          Ce va zic eu e parerea mea si nimic altceva. Puteti sa ma contraziceti in o mie cinci sute doua feluri, insa asa vad eu lucrurile. Tot respectul pentru cei care stiu stiu sa isi traiasca viata. Ce e nasol e ca noi singuri ne facem viata grea. Mai nou nu sunam pe nimeni ca doar avem messenger(sunt de acord), dar problema e ca daca respectiva persoana nu e online asteptam ca doara centii is „scumpi”. Tre sa fiu si eu online ca daca vrea cineva sa imi zica, daca ies „prietenii” la o bere. Nu esti online, cum naiba vrei sa te anunte, ca doar ei nu is centrale telefonice.
          Spun toate chestii astea pentru ca eu ma aflu in partea rea a chestiilor. As vrea sa fac mult mai multe chestii zilnic, si noh. De unde? Ori nu va gasesc eu pe voi, ori aveti voi treburile voastre vreti sa fiti deranjati. Chestia e ca nu vreau sa ajung in cel mai rau caz sa ma apuc de Counter-Strike si sa imi ratez viata. Eu atat va zic. Poate am zis prea mult, poate m-am repetat, poate am exagerat, poate am devenit penal. Ziceti si voi ceva ca asa e mai nou vorba in ziare. Dar daca scrieti ceva, injuraturi sau alte chestii v-as multumi daca ati pune si numele.
                                                                               Salagea n Andrei


  3. Sa vezi si sa … razi, ca altceva ce…

    2 mai, 2008 | Andrei Sălăgean




  4. 1 Mai – ziua perfecta

    1 mai, 2008 | Andrei Sălăgean

    Ziua ideală a unei femei de 1 Mai:
    08:15 – Trezire prin săruturi şi gîdilarea cu ajutorul unei petale de trandafir din import.
    08:30 – Măsurare pe cîntar – 2 kg mai puţin decît ieri.
    08:45 – Micul dejun în pat (croissant, suc de portocale proaspete). Deschiderea cadoului (inel cu diamant de 5 karate ales de partenerul atent).
    08:50 – Ştiri la „Shopping channel” (mari reduceri la „Gucci”).
    09:15 – Baie fierbinte în uleiuri mirositoare.
    10:15 – Relaxare uşoară prin fitness cu ajutorul unui antrenor personal amuzant şi bine clădit.
    10:30 – Îngrijirea tenului, manichiura, spălarea părului, coafatul.
    12:00 – Prînzul cu cea mai bună prietenă într-un restaurant.
    12:45 – Întîlnirea fostei prietene a partenerului şi constatarea că s-a îngrăşat 7 kg.
    13:00 – Shopping cu cea mai bună prietenă (carte de credit nelimitată).
    15:00 – Somnul de după masă.
    16:00 – Primirea a 35 de trandafiri de la un admirator secret.
    16:15 – Masajul cu ajutorul unui maseur privat, puternic, dar tandru, care exclamă că niciodată pînă acum nu a masat un corp atît de delicat.
    17:30 – Alegerea şi încercarea îmbrăcăminţii scumpe şi unicat. O mică paradă de modă în faţa unei oglinzi.
    19:30 – Cină la lumînări. Dans şi complimente.
    22:00 – Duş fierbinte (singură).
    22:50 – Purtată în braţe pînă la pat. Cearsafurile proaspăt spălate şi parfumate.
    23:00 – Giugiulire.
    23:15 – Adormirea în braţele partenerului.

    Ziua ideală a unui bărbat de 1 Mai:
    06:00 Trezirea.
    06:15 Sex oral.
    06:30 O lungă distracţie satisfăcătoare în WC cu ziarul sportiv.
    07:00 Micul dejun: şniţel parizian şi ouă, cafea şi toast, pregătite şi servite de slugi goale şi blonde.
    07:30 Soseşte limuzina.
    07:45 Cîteva pahare de whisky în drum spre aeroport.
    09:15 Zborul în avionul particular.
    09:30 Limuzină cu şofer pînă la clubul de golf (sex oral pe timpul călătoriei).
    09:45 Golf.
    11:45 Prînz: fast food, 3 beri, sticlă Dom Perignon.
    12:15 Fumatul trabucului.
    12:30 Golf.
    14:15 Limuzină înapoi pînă la aeroport (cîteva pahare de whisky).
    14:15 Zborul spre Monte Carlo.
    15:30 Plecarea la pescuit. Toate fetele de companie sînt goale.
    17:00 Zborul acasă.
    18:45 Relaxare la WC, duş, bărbierit.
    19:00 Ştiri: Michael Jackson asasinat, marihuana şi filmele porno sînt legalizate.
    19:30 Cina: caviar pentru aperitiv, Dom Perignon (1953), un biftec mare, îngheţată servită pe sîni goi.
    21:00 Coniac şi trabuc în faţa unui televizor mare.
    21:30 Sex cu 3 femei (toate trei cu înclinaţii lesbiene).
    23:00 Masaj şi scăldat în jacuzzi cu pizza şi bere.
    23:30 Sex oral pentru Noapte bună.
    23:45 Întins singur într-un pat imens.
    23:50 Tragerea a 4 pîrţuri, care au schimbat 4 tonalităţi şi l-au alungat pe cîine afară din cameră.
    00:00 Adormirea.


  5. Funny Shit

    1 mai, 2008 | Andrei Sălăgean

    In Kentucky, 50% of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.
    Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during WWI.
    Einstein couldn’t speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.
    In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
    About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they’re still sitting on it.
    You’re more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day that in any other weather.
    An average person laughs about 5 times a day.
    Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
    Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
    The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
    A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.p.h.
    The condom – made originally of linen – was invented in the early 500s.
    The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.
    A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn’t give her coffee.
    The Neanderthal’s brain was bigger than yours is.
    Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.
    The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
    In 980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones – Bhutan.
    Every person has a unique tongue print.
    Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
    Women’s hearts beat faster than men’s.
    Pollsters say that 40% of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.
    Bubble gum contains rubber.
    You can only smell /20th as well as a dog.
    Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
    The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.
    Even if you cut off a cockroach’s head, it can live for several weeks.
    Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
    The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people.
    Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head.
    In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.
    A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
    About 70% of Americans who go to college do it just to make more money.
    It’s against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas.
    Some toothpastes contain antifreeze.
    Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
    Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as Pres. Bush in 99. And, rightfully so.
    Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the western Pacific.
    There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
    Most lipstick contains fish scales.
    Lee Harvey Oswald’s cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 992.
    Mosquitoes have teeth.
    Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray.
    Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.
    The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.
    When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food.
    Most cows give more milk when they listen to music.
    27% of U.S. male college students believe life is „a meaningless existential hell.”
    In 980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.
    Aztec emperor Montezuma had nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant „plenty of excrement.”
    Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
    „Kemo Sabe” means „soggy shrub” in Navajo.