Patru poze, asa … ca sa te relaxezi
26 aprilie, 2008 | Andrei Sălăgean
Categories: Poze | No Comments
Metode de vanatoare
25 aprilie, 2008 | Andrei Sălăgean
Metoda logica de vanat iepuri:
Materiale necesare:
O caramida, un morcov si un pumn de piper.Mod de operare:
Te duci in padure si pui caramida intr-un loc deschis, unde poate fi observata cu usurinta. Peste caramida asezi morcovul, iar peste morcov presari piperul. Apoi, te ascunzi in desis. Iepurele vine, vede morcovul, da sa-l manance, inspira piperul, stranuta si se da cu capul de caramida.Metoda logica de vanat ursi:
Materiale necesare:
Un cub mare de gheata, o oglinda mare si un sac de faina.Mod de operare:
Iei toate materialele si le duci in padure. Sprijini oglinda de un copac, pui cubul de gheata langa oglinda, apoi iei sacul de faina in spinare si te sui in copac. Ursul vine, vede oglinda si, curios, se admira. Ursul isi pipaie pectoralii si gandeste: „Ce muschiulos sunt!” Apoi isi va pipai blana, spunandu-si: „Doamne, ce blana matasoasa am!”In timpul asta, tu, care esti in copac, chiar deasupra lui, il picuri cu faina pe spate, pentru ca el nu-i atent. Ursul se va intoarce putin cu spatele si se va admira: „Mama, ce fese tari am! Sunt mandria acestei paduri!” In timpul asta, ii dai cu faina pe burta, ca nu-i atent. Ursul se va intoarce din nou cu fata la oglinda si va observa ca e alb complet. „Te pomenesti ca sunt urs polar”, va gandi el. In momentul ala, va observa si cubul de gheata: „E clar. Sunt urs polar! Si, daca sunt urs polar, e logic sa stau pe gheata”. Ursul se va aseza cu fundul pe cubul de gheata. Nefiind urs polar, va raci. Dupa ce raceste, il prinzi mult mai usor.
Metoda logica de vanat crocodili:
Materiale necesare:
Un sezlong, un volum de poezie contemporana, o luneta, o penseta si o cutiuta.Mod de operare:
Te duci pe malul Nilului, sau unde stii tu ca sunt crocodili, te intinzi pe sezlong, iei volumul de poezie tanara si te apuci sa citesti. Fiind poezie tanara, adormi imediat. Crocodilul te vede si-si zice: „Hopa! Micul dejun” Se apropie si da sa te manance, moment in care observa volumul de poezie contemporana si, curios, incepe sa-l rasfoiasca. Fiind poezie tanara, adoarme imediat. Tu, care-ai adormit inaintea lui, logic, te si trezesti inaintea lui. Iei luneta, o tii invers si te uiti la crocodil. Iei penseta si-l pui in cutiuta.Categories: Scoala, very funny | No Comments
Yo mama so ugly…
23 aprilie, 2008 | Andrei Sălăgean
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said „Sorry, no professionals.”
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said „What a treasure!” and her father said „Yes, let’s go bury it.”
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed „Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say „Wow, is it Halloween already?”
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed „Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower!
Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!
Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects!
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!
Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.Categories: very funny | No Comments
Fart Football
23 aprilie, 2008 | Andrei Sălăgean
A little old couple prepares to go to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, „Seven Points.”
His wife rolls over and says, „What in the world was that?”
The old man replied, „It’s fart football.”
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, „Touchdown, tie score.”
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, „Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.”
Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, „Touchdown, tie score.”
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, „Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.”
Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally he shits in the bed. The wife says, „What the hell was that?”
The old man says, „Half time, switch sides.”Categories: very funny | No Comments
Nu tin neaparat sa fiu vulgar dar ceva nu e bun in poza ?!
23 aprilie, 2008 | Andrei Sălăgean
Categories: Poze, very funny | No Comments
