In Kentucky, 50% of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.
Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during WWI.
Einstein couldn’t speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.
In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they’re still sitting on it.
You’re more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day that in any other weather.
An average person laughs about 5 times a day.
Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.p.h.
The condom – made originally of linen – was invented in the early 500s.
The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.
A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn’t give her coffee.
The Neanderthal’s brain was bigger than yours is.
Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.
The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
In 980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones – Bhutan.
Every person has a unique tongue print.
Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
Women’s hearts beat faster than men’s.
Pollsters say that 40% of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.
Bubble gum contains rubber.
You can only smell /20th as well as a dog.
Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.
Even if you cut off a cockroach’s head, it can live for several weeks.
Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people.
Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head.
In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.
A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
About 70% of Americans who go to college do it just to make more money.
It’s against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas.
Some toothpastes contain antifreeze.
Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as Pres. Bush in 99. And, rightfully so.
Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the western Pacific.
There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Lee Harvey Oswald’s cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 992.
Mosquitoes have teeth.
Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray.
Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.
The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.
When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food.
Most cows give more milk when they listen to music.
27% of U.S. male college students believe life is „a meaningless existential hell.”
In 980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.
Aztec emperor Montezuma had nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant „plenty of excrement.”
Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
„Kemo Sabe” means „soggy shrub” in Navajo.
very funny
Funny Shit
mai 1, 2008 by Andrei Sălăgean
Categories: la grămadă, very funny | No Comments
Si femeile pot…
aprilie 30, 2008 by Andrei Sălăgean
Categories: la grămadă, very funny | No Comments
Ce isi doresc copiii…si ce zice mosu…
aprilie 30, 2008 by Andrei Sălăgean
Draga Mos Craciun, de TREI ani iti comand un camion de pompieri, poate ca anul asta o sa gasesti unul!!! Multumesc. Luis
Draga Luis, ca sa ma ierti ca nici acum nu am un camion de pompieri, iti voi da foc la casa in timp ce dormi. Asa vei avea toate camioanele de pompieri pe care ti le doresti. Somn usor. Mos CraciunDraga Mos Craciun, pentru anul asta mi-as dori sa-l faci pe tata sa vina inapoi acasa ca sa se impace cu mama. Mi-e tare dor de el. Juan.
Draga Juan, esti tampit sau te faci? Ce vrei, sa stric o relatie super-extra intre taica-tau si secretara lui, cand in sfarsit se distreaza si el cu o gagica adevarata!?!? Iti aduc un Lego si lasa-l in pace pe tac-tu. Idiotule. Mos CraciunDraga Mos Craciun, as vrea o bicicleta, un Game-Boy, un tren, un garaj, un poney, o chitara, si un caine. Te iubesc. Eusbe
Draga Eusbe, nu vrei in plus si contul meu din banca, mai zevzecule? Pentru ca ti-au dat un prenume asa idiot, parerea mea e ca parintii tai nu te iubesc. Si nici eu nu te iubesc. Mos CraciunDraga Mos Craciun, ti-am lasat sub brad prajituri cu ciocolata si morcovi pentru reni. Te iubesc. Suzanne.
Draga Suzanne, esti retardata, nu-i asa? Prajiturile cu ciocolata imi provoaca diaree, tampito, si morcovii baloneaza renii, care imi trimit basini in nas cand sunt in sanie… Daca chiar vrei sa-mi faci placere, mai bine lasa-mi o sticla de Chivas, o cutie de trabucuri cubaneze si spune-i maica-tii sa se imbrace in string, ca ma excita. Mos CraciunDraga Mos Craciun, TE ROG-TE ROG-TE ROG-te implor-TE ROG-TE ROG, as vrea un catelus, TE ROG-TE ROG-te implor. Paquito
Draga Paquito, m-am saturat pana in gat de rasfaturile astea, cretinule. Ele pot sa functioneze cu parintii tai, care le tolereaza fiindca esti un copil adoptat, din parinti degenerati, dar eu iti spun du-te dracu`. Vei primi o pijama cu dungi ca si anul trecut, poate te inveti minte. Mos CraciunCategories: very funny | No Comments
Metode de vanatoare
aprilie 25, 2008 by Andrei Sălăgean
Metoda logica de vanat iepuri:
Materiale necesare:
O caramida, un morcov si un pumn de piper.Mod de operare:
Te duci in padure si pui caramida intr-un loc deschis, unde poate fi observata cu usurinta. Peste caramida asezi morcovul, iar peste morcov presari piperul. Apoi, te ascunzi in desis. Iepurele vine, vede morcovul, da sa-l manance, inspira piperul, stranuta si se da cu capul de caramida.Metoda logica de vanat ursi:
Materiale necesare:
Un cub mare de gheata, o oglinda mare si un sac de faina.Mod de operare:
Iei toate materialele si le duci in padure. Sprijini oglinda de un copac, pui cubul de gheata langa oglinda, apoi iei sacul de faina in spinare si te sui in copac. Ursul vine, vede oglinda si, curios, se admira. Ursul isi pipaie pectoralii si gandeste: „Ce muschiulos sunt!” Apoi isi va pipai blana, spunandu-si: „Doamne, ce blana matasoasa am!”In timpul asta, tu, care esti in copac, chiar deasupra lui, il picuri cu faina pe spate, pentru ca el nu-i atent. Ursul se va intoarce putin cu spatele si se va admira: „Mama, ce fese tari am! Sunt mandria acestei paduri!” In timpul asta, ii dai cu faina pe burta, ca nu-i atent. Ursul se va intoarce din nou cu fata la oglinda si va observa ca e alb complet. „Te pomenesti ca sunt urs polar”, va gandi el. In momentul ala, va observa si cubul de gheata: „E clar. Sunt urs polar! Si, daca sunt urs polar, e logic sa stau pe gheata”. Ursul se va aseza cu fundul pe cubul de gheata. Nefiind urs polar, va raci. Dupa ce raceste, il prinzi mult mai usor.
Metoda logica de vanat crocodili:
Materiale necesare:
Un sezlong, un volum de poezie contemporana, o luneta, o penseta si o cutiuta.Mod de operare:
Te duci pe malul Nilului, sau unde stii tu ca sunt crocodili, te intinzi pe sezlong, iei volumul de poezie tanara si te apuci sa citesti. Fiind poezie tanara, adormi imediat. Crocodilul te vede si-si zice: „Hopa! Micul dejun” Se apropie si da sa te manance, moment in care observa volumul de poezie contemporana si, curios, incepe sa-l rasfoiasca. Fiind poezie tanara, adoarme imediat. Tu, care-ai adormit inaintea lui, logic, te si trezesti inaintea lui. Iei luneta, o tii invers si te uiti la crocodil. Iei penseta si-l pui in cutiuta.Categories: Scoala, very funny | No Comments
Yo mama so ugly…
aprilie 23, 2008 by Andrei Sălăgean
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said „Sorry, no professionals.”
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said „What a treasure!” and her father said „Yes, let’s go bury it.”
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed „Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say „Wow, is it Halloween already?”
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed „Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower!
Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!
Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects!
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!
Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.Categories: very funny | No Comments